I’ve not been here too much of late for many reasons. Such matters are for another blog at another time. I’m here now because I find this page, this fragment of the ether, a place to quietly sit and think and speak. Afterall, it is the reason this page came to originally exist.
Moments. That’s the theme of today’s sudden return to the blogging stage.
Recently I’ve experienced a verity of positive moments, none life changing, but all life enriching. I’m currently on holiday in Switzerland where I have been for Christmas and where I will remain until after New Year. To put it colloquially, I’m having a blast. Again, this is content for a different blog. Unfortunately, I’m not here to divulge and philosophise on the euphoric flight over the mountains or the storybook setting surrounded, even briefly, by snow. Perhaps later.
I want to talk about less coveted moments, the sudden moments that hide, and drag the metaphorical rug from under foot. Inevitable, life changing moments, that seem to block the road and upend us until we’re not sure precisely how to untwist ourselves. They can occur at any time, however unreasonable or unjust. In my case, the news hit during my holiday, out with my family, where I could not scream in outrage or cry. My reaction consisted of sitting in the car as we drove, slowly going numb before realising I should refrain from any reaction due to my current position. For many difficult to explain reasons I am unable to tell my family the news, and I am working hard to not divulge any negative feelings.
For the third time in five years I am forcibly losing my home.
I’m not sure what I will do or where I will go, and while I recognize the opportunity for new beginnings and moving forward, there’s a lot to be said for the grieving period which for me currently consists of private contemplation and trying to untangle several threads of feeling. I’ve talked about states of limbo several times I believe, in many varied contexts, and now I find myself in another one. Away from my ‘home’, unable to confront the issue or those who made the decision, and unable to discuss the options at hand, I am left within my own head reviewing the choices that have been made for me and those I must now make for myself.
And here, to write the words I need to write about a single moment.